Where I'm From

I am from the small town Ohio

Where my roots were planted and began

Uprooted and pulled north to the unfamiliar mitten

I am from the garden of fresh dirt where I began to bloom

I am from many church benches

None comparing to the one left behind

From the children’s bulletin filled with activities

I am from the dollar quietly tossed into the offering plate

I am from the time outs and “because I said so”

Warm embraces and prayers before the light was turned out

Giving advice because I am the self-appointed mother

I am from the three younger siblings who fill each day with quarrels and laughter

I am from the cottage nestled in the dunes

The sandy bare feet and sunsets on the lake

Weekly Bible verses and blue moon ice-cream on Friday nights

I am from the beach which I call home

I am from the regretted moments

Ones I wish I could replay

From the submersion in Lake Michigan with the waves taking my guilt away

I am from the hope of second and third chances

I am from the dresses and bows

The glitter and vibrant colors touched with a smile

The longing to be a princess and be rescued from my tower

I am from the fairy tale with the ending unwritten

Love, Hannah
xoxo

What I Don't Know vs. What I Know

     The question I seemed to be asked constantly lately is: "What are you going to major in?" or at least some form of that question. Up until recently that question was one I never even hesitated on. I wanted to be a teacher. Duh. I was going to major in early childhood education and spend my days surrounded by little kids. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher. I remember being in first grade and talking with one of my friends. We seemed to have life all planned out with going to Calvin College and both becoming teachers. Other careers have caught my eye but rarely have they kept my attention for long. As a little girl I remember coming home from school and setting up all my stuff animals and dolls for a lesson and putting on my teacher glasses. I would teach just about every subject in school including; English, writing, Bible, dancing, performances of my off key singing but of course no math. (Yucky!)

     Now, I don't know if that is what I want.I am still in love with the idea of being around little children...but that is not my only interest. I feel pulled in multiple directions. I can picture myself doing multiple things.
I spend a lot of time thinking about my major. I find myself day dreaming about what my future could look like during class, while I do homework or when I am trying to fall asleep at night. I know in general that I am a people person and I love talking. I could not sit at a desk and type information into a computer. I would go nuts. Beyond that my mind just goes crazy.

     A teacher...of little kids for elementary or early childhood, high school aged? I could do both. I love the idea about teaching the basics to children. I love elementary children and the excitement most of them have about learning. They always have the most ridiculous things to say as well. There is also draw to high school. I would love to just teach creative writing-or any English really, cooking classes, family classes, or psychology classes. The idea of being a teacher has many options to run with.

     I recently have been tossing around the idea of becoming a marriage and family counselor. Listening to people and trying to help as best I can has always been something I loved. I love it when my friends come to me and I have the opportunity to be a listening ear so that they can be heard. I would have the choice of majoring in psychology or social work. I would major in psychology most likely with a minor in communications. I love observing people and figuring out why they may react to a situation compared to someone else. I love watching families and seeing the way things are done to create their atmosphere.

Those are the only two possible careers that I have researched and looked into...I still do not know.
I just don't know.

I would to be a nanny for a while during college and possibly after.
Possibly a teacher.
Possibly a counselor.
I could end up in ministry.
I don't know.

     My absolute dream job would be hanging out with middle school and high school aged girls. Just hanging out with them by being an influence in their lives through listening and being there when they need me. I would love to be the example of Christ to them. I would love to remind them how precious they are. I want to tell them that no guy can fulfill them like Christ. I want to tell them that they deserve the best and should never settle or just be who the world wants them to be. They are worth waiting for. Their heart is precious. That is where the possibility of ministry comes in.
     Another dream job would be snuggling with babies and toddlers and telling them they are loved.

     I may not know the answer to that question: "What do you want to major in?" or "What do you want to do with your life?"
     There is a few things I do know.
     I know that I am OK with not knowing these answers. A few months ago the idea of the unknown was not even a possibility. I had to know what was going to happen. Now? I am at complete and utter peace about the idea of the unknown. It is exciting and I am beginning to embrace it. I like discovering the things I love. I like looking at all the possibilities and knowing that I can choose. Yes, I definitely still want to know and I struggle with trusting the unknown, but I know that I have no choice, so I have decided to try to embrace it.
     I know money doesn't matter to me. I would rather be the poorest person in the world and be doing something I love with the gifts I have been given than be rich doing something that makes me dread work day after day. That is also a recent development from this past summer.  There are days that I dream about an extreme future with the fancy car, big house and the jet ski. I may have that one day. Only God knows. I would rather be doing something that I love using the gifts God gave me. I would rather live in a small apartment with the occasional nail treatment. I would rather provide my children with love and a healthy steady household than money. Money isn't everything.
     I know God knows. He is going to get me to where I need to be. So there is really no point in me trying to figure it out anyway because God doesn't usually do what I want anyway(:

     So when someone asks me what I am going to major in or what I want to be when I get older I just tell them that I don't know because what I do know is enough for me.

I may not know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future. -Tim Tebow

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
    nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

Love, Hannah
xoxo

My Decision

I am single.
And so very happy. Yes, that is possible. I am a high school senior perfectly content being on my own.        

I grew up watching the movies of the "perfect high school life" and  I had this image that it is what my days would look like once I got there. I would be going to tons of parties and dating a different guy every other week.

That life, is not even close to mine now. I would not trade it for anything. For a while I did want to date. I admit I love the idea of the perfect love story of finding your love in high school, but that isn't for me. I am in love with the idea of being in love. I always thought when I was younger that relationships were simple and it led into a marriage that was perfect without a single wrinkle. I was pretty much crazy. I have now learned that is not true. Relationships take work. A lot of it.

I am not ready to date. I am not ready to toss another person into the mix. I am working on keeping God number one in my life. God is my daddy and I need to keep him as a priority before I even think about adding another man into the mix. I need to be happy with myself and who I am completely. It isn't possible to let someone else fall in love with you if you don't love yourself, or you won't believe them. I know I wouldn't. Sometimes I struggle with just wondering how I have friends...haha, but for real. I am so not ready to date. My heart isn't ready. Right now I am just concentrating on making friends because I like friends. I plan on being single till God brings the guy into my life who is going to pursue me.

So this is me. Happy. Content. Learning. Changing. Growing.
But I like where I am right now.
I like getting to know and learn about myself.

My heart belongs to Jesus.

xoxo,
Hannah

Cheer Memories-From the Beginning

Cheer has been a major part of my high school journey. It is a part of me.
I walked into high school with no plan of cheering what so ever. I did not want to do any sports at all. I remember going to the showcase in 8th grade (an open house for middle school students) and running into Whitney, a cheerleader. She handed me a flyer with information, but the second that she was gone I tossed it in the trash.

That was how I entered high school. One of my friends was cheering and was trying to convince me to cheer. I like to please people, so it was pretty easy to convince me to go to a game with the girls.
That was all it took. I was sold. I fell in love fast.
There was only a few more games left in the season, but I became apart of the team. I worked after practices learning the cheers for the last few games. I quickly fell in love even more. I loved the girls that I was with. It was more than just a team, it was a family.

 Competitive season started right after football. I had no idea what it was, but I was going to do it anyway. I found out very fast that I had a lot to learn. My coach was very patient and taught me step by step. Our practices were goofy, but we had so much accomplished.
Our first competition was one of the most nerve racking things I have ever done. All the older girls kept telling us freshman that we would be fine and "you got it." The first meet was at home. I was shaking. I had this huge fear of being in front of crowds. The national anthem played and the teams were announced. When it was our turn for Round One we took the floor. So many thoughts were racing through my mind and I was trying to remember everything I had to do. I did it though! Round two and three passed by quickly. I think from that day
       I knew that there was no more giving up cheer. It was a part of me. The girls were more than just people in my school, they quickly became my family. We had drama, fights, but we had some of the best crazy times that I could have ever asked for.
My coach was the best.
I gained my sisters and friendships that still exist to this day.
 I could go on forever just listing everything that has been apart of this...there are numerous memories...the girls from the other teams..the stunts, practices, sleepovers...everything. Our conference was so friendly. Yes, we competed against each other, but we became friends. Practices were crazy and every single day was different. Whether it was racing each other in warm ups just to make it seem fun, or screaming BIRTHA in the middle of our splits. The caroling, hot tub parties, or the car rides. Cheer was my favorite part of the school year...
Freshman year was football and competitive.
Sophomore was both once again.
Junior year I opted out of football and only did competitive.
Senior year I was able to do football and was not given the option to do competitive

Freshman Year:

-Football Season

The first game attended

Team dinners

They became friends fast

I never stopped smiling there

Dancing to Cupid Shuffle before the games!

Banquet <3

-Competitive Season
   

Games before scores were a blast

Walking on to the mat!

GIMME FOOD

Prayer Time before every round

That is how we do

Two of my seniors(:

We rock that floor

Final Stunt in round 3

First meet, round 3

I love my team more than anything

Sophomore Year:

-Football Season

The team <3

My stunt group

Kates and I

We got distracted

pushups...over 200 one game

Photoshoot!

We went on TV one night!

Team Dinner...yes I am in flip flops

-Competitive

Finally finished!

I love these girls. We made it through a ton.

Gifts? Yes please

Into it.

Junior year

-Competitive Only

My abby. My little.

Friends for the past three years.

Beginning of a round

Ready to stunt

And she is up

Gosh, I love balloons

Up she goes again

Senior:

Football cheer only

My girls.

Splits.

These girls are fantastic

My girls

Right now I am supposed to be doing competitive cheer.
And I am not. 
That has just not sunk in yet. I refuse to think about it. Inside though, it hurts. Cheer has helped formed me. I was able to get over my stage fright and come out of my comfort zone. It encouraged confidence to appear. I met girls who are a part of my life to this day. I hate when people say that cheer is not a sport because IT IS. It is dangerous and it takes a ton of work. There is no time outs. Tons of flexibility is involved. Timing has to be perfect. Motions have to be in a specific place. There has to be a certain amount of steps taken, formations, jumps...ect.I could keep going. But it doesn't really matter.

Cheer is important to ME. 

Not being able to cheer my senior year...those are not words that I never expected to hear. I think it hurts more because I did not know that last year was my last year of competing. I was counting on this last year to wrap it up. I was doing gymnastics constantly working for this year.

I won't get my senior night at my school, or my home meet night. I do not get to feel the nerves I felt standing on the edge of the mat or the rush of adrenalin as I was on the mat. I do not get to have the dance parties with my conference in between the meet and judging.  

When I think about it the list just seems to go on and on. 

I know that I will be ok, but I know having to be on the sidelines this year is going to be harder than I thought.


For some reason God's plan is different than mine. I don't get it. I wish I did. Maybe it would help. That is my thought process. As I have been thinking about all of this I tried to let this go to God. I didn't. I took this on in full control. Right now I have no other choice to give it to Christ because I am lost and I can't do anything more than I have.
Cheerleading has been the best part of my highschool journey and I am so blessed by every single moment of it. This sport showed me that I could accomplish anything I wanted if I believed and worked for it. I am going to miss every minute of it more than anything.
I realized very recently that I NEEDED to find a positive in the midst of all of this for me not to go crazy. And I found more than I thought.

1 Peter 5:6-11

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us in to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. 

XOXO
-Hannah

"I" to "The Great I Am"

Being by the water gives me an un-explainable feeling of peace.

I can not get the words out fast enough. My mind is racing. I am trying to comprehend all the amazing things that took place this weekend. This weekend La Grave's youth group Crew went to Camp Greenwood for a retreat. I was really hesitant to go on this retreat. I am new to this group and had no idea what would happen.
Saturday morning bright and early about 11 am we headed out (kidding on the bright and early). The rain was pouring down which was a bummer considering that we were planning on being outside most of the time. The trailer was packed with all of our sleeping bags and clothes for the next day. I rode in the Tan van which was the best (I am a little bias though). For some reason we all had a lot of energy. I could not stop giggling, which was not unusual. I was just amazed at the way that people were so welcoming to everyone. I was included immediately and felt so comfortable.
Our time was divided up into sessions and free time.


***In the first one we concentrated on how Satan destroys with lies. It is SO true. I have lies I believe that I allow to rule my life. I think the thing that struck me the most was how Satan uses just a little bit of truth to start the lie and how he is going to use the people closest to me.
Lies destroy.
I cannot agree more.
To dig into to our fears we started coming up with lies that we all believed in. I think that people would really be surprised if they were to admit their fears more often, how many people really do share the same fears. Instead we sit here quiet and afraid of being vulnerable  Let me tell you something different. We had the chance to be open about our fears with the lies that we believe. There was a big paper with the word "you" written on it. It was clean and looked nice. One at a time we all went up there and shared lies that we struggle with. After that we took black spray paint and made a slash on the paper. "You" was immediately destroyed and covered.
Lies destroy who we are. 
They destroy who we become and how we view ourselves.
I do not want the devil to win. And he does when I do not fight those lies. 
I may not be able, but GOD IS ABLE.
Fighting lies means going out of my comfort zone. But that is going to be a good thing because that is going to bring me to my knees in the presence of Jesus.

Beautiful ladies 

***In session two we really concentrated on the truth. That means fighting back with the armor of God. The armor of God including the Helmet of Salvation, Breast Plate of Righteousness, Belt of Truth, Shield of Faith, Sword of truth, and the Feet fitted with the gospel of peace. (Ephesians 6:10-12) This is not a once in a life time thing to do. IT IS DONE EVERY SINGLE DAY. For the activity for this we got into groups and we had to say three things that we did like about ourselves, three things we didn't, things we like about each other, and lastly what God says about us. Coming up with negatives about ourselves was way more simple than the positives. That hit me really hard. So often I concentrate on the negatives and refuse to find myself in a good light. Something happened though.
God worked. When people were giving me compliments I believed them. I do not remember the last time that I have believed a compliment. God allowed my heart to be opened to the positive words. I am SO THANKFUL. Yay God!
 We also touched on spiritual gifts. God is going to get his work done regardless of what we do, but he does give us a chance to use the gifts that he has given us. As Christians we are all apart of the body of Christ and we all have our own gifts to contribute to the body. No one is the same. And that is what makes it so special.  The Holy Spirit is going to empower us, but it is up to us to open up to him.

 ***Quiet time was spent with our Bibles and Christ. 31 references in the Bible-all talking about different things that God says about us. I belong to Christ. He loves me. I am his. I really can do anything through Christ.

***Session three was spent taking the "I" into the "Great I am". Jolene went through seven names of God with Bible references talking about them. It was our Sunday morning worship service. There was singing and prayer. Not just a normal "bow your head and close your eyes". We were encouraged in groups of 4 to keep our eyes open. That was a whole new experience. We went through the alphabet naming God, we prayed for those in need, and more.

The beauty of this view is just breath -taking

Overall:
This was one of the best weekends in my life. I have never been to a youth group like the one I am now a part of. I went in barely knowing anyone, but came out with the foundations to what are going to grow into beautiful friendships. Relationships were healed and renewed.I was able to have some awesome talks with my best friend. I was able to be myself. I discovered so much about myself that I refused to see before. People were open in sharing their hearts which was beautiful. The brokenness and hurt is beautiful because God turns it beautiful. 
I stepped out of my comfort zone. Volunteers were being asked for to help clean up, and I had my hand raised, but too many had their hands up so I was not chosen. I know for a fact that this was God because I would not have planned on this. But my hand was up in the air before I knew it volunteering to pray. Uh-yeah. That was God for sure. I have this huge fear of praying out loud. I should say I did. God took that fear away. God is alive and present.
I changed this weekend. God worked in me. I want to be a leader. I want to be the face of Christ through everything that I do. I want to be me. Nothing more than what God is making me into. That is enough. I am chasing Christ and will continue to do so until the day that I die. I want to love people and pour into them. I want to find the beauty within side myself that God has put there. I am special just being me.
Falling deeper in love with Christ more and more satisfies me.

Psalm 45:11
"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord."

With love,
Hannah Louise

September- Senior Year

Senior

That word just doesn't seem to register with me. I am the oldest walking the halls, the one who will graduate in June, and then go off to college. How did I get here? It feels like yesterday that I was in 6th grade, then middle school, and my first day of high school. I was always told that once I got older that the days would start going faster-that was silly not to believe. 

Everything has turned into my last of this or that. I had my last first day of school this month. It was the last first day that I get to spend at home with my mom taking my picture at the front door.

School:
1. Band:I get to share this class with Andrew which has become a fantastic entertainment for me. We play pep band so I know the music pretty well. I just turn around and watch Andrew make faces while playing. It helps when you love music. Band Geek all the way. 
2. Spanish 2: This class will be my biggest struggle. Learning a new language has never been easy for me. I take double the time just to make sure I understood. I didn't really care at first. My goal was just to survive, but that has changed. I am tossing around the idea of minoring in Spanish which just means that I need to pay attention even more now. It has helped. I love the feeling of success as I understand it. 
3. Accounting: This is an online class. Interesting...I do love the way the class works. As long as I hand in my work before the semester is finished, I get an A. Although, that is tempting to just do other homework during that class. Not a smart idea. It has been a lesson learning how to balance that.
4. Personal Finance: This is my dose of reality. It is basically taught by Dave Ramsey. I learn all about growing up...! . There is some that I will apply to my life, but some I will not at all. 
5. Study Hall: My little slice of heaven at school. I do homework, and once that is finished.I blog, journal, or sleep. 
6. Brit Lit: Oh the joys of reading. I thought I would hate this class, but I have quite quickly fallen in love with it. I love reading the old writings from long ago. Lots of vocab memorization as well(: 
7: Reformed Doctrine: This is my FAVORITE class. We look at the CRC doctrines and beliefs of all denominations. There are many open discussions of all topics. I have learned to actually go out and find out what I believe and how to support it. I just find that whole area interesting. 


Work:
 I can't even call it work though. More like just hanging out. Once a week I nanny a family I love from the bottom of my heart. I have been babysitting them for the past seven years. They are family to me. Six children who all are unique: Christian, Levi, Addison, Mikayla, Tanner, and Emma. 

New Stuff:
I made the decision not to take any dance classes this year. Which is sad, but I am excited for whatever else takes place(: 
A lot of senior girls decided that we wanted to cheer at football games, so we started a team just for home games. The team consists of all grades. It has been a blast to be a part of! 

Favorite Moments:
I had the chance to go back to MARANATHA which makes me so happy!!! We got together with two other families for dinner. When you put 17 people together things are gonna get crazy. Us kids ran around Maranatha pretty much all night just playing lots of games as we tried to stay out of trouble. We only got in trouble three times!
 I was able to have a morning to myself on the beach. It was absolute bliss. Nothing makes me happier than Maranatha. It is my happy place for sure. 

My sister, Grace, turned 12 on the 25th! It is crazy to watch her grow up as fast as she is. I love her to pieces and it was so exciting to go to her very first track meet on that day. She ran super well. I am so excited to watch her grow as a runner, or what ever she decides her passion is. 

College thoughts:
It is crazy to think that I will be in college next year. Being able to have the decision to chose where I want to pursue my education is a lot harder than I ever imagined. I mean, it defines a lot. At first I was stressing. It was so ridiculous. I was spending all my time thinking and obsessing over it. <--- Not a smart idea. Everything is going to come together when God is ready. He has a perfect plan for me to fit into. I have narrowed down my list which is really exciting to look at the colleges and just think that I will be living at one of them next year!

Friends. 
This school year I wanted to be able to have a lot of free time just to hangout with friends. It is my last year and I wanted to make sure to make the most of the time that I have left with people that mean the world to me. I am really thankful that I have been able too. Friday's have become the nights to go bowling, play slender in the dark, eat ice cream from the container, watch movies all after football; of course.  But I am really thankful for all my friends that are in my life. I am rarely at home. Our plans are never made in advance, which is a thing that I have come to love. I love eating out with them for lunch and just being able to be myself.

New stuffs:
     I have this new crazy love for football. Especially for Calvin. I have this huge sense of school spirit when it comes to those games, maybe it is just the cheerleader in me. But I am hooked. I am learning all about it which excites me so much. I love being able to understand the game.
     I have this new thing this year. Since it is my "lasts" of everything. I am trying everything that comes my way that I normally would not do. I am doing the cheerleading-which is not new, but just different than usual cheer. I am going to play powder-puff with my school. Junior girls against seniors and I am pumped! I will see what this idea gets me into later...I am excited!

My first month of senior year is done. Cra-cra.
God is good. All the time. Through the trials and hard times. I am learning just to lean on him more and more. I literally could not make it a day without him. He has never failed me yet. Yes, I question him all the time. He just continues to prove himself again and again.

"Call to me and I will answer you and show you the great and might things which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3

With love,
Hannah Louise