Check List

I am in full swing of my schedule being back here at school. I feel like my summer happened months ago. As for now my life consists of friends, nannying, homework, college searching, and once in a while, sleep.

I was getting caught up in my routine.

I was forgetting...

God is here. Right here in Grand Rapids. Some how I lose focus of that. All the time.  Lately my faith has become a check list. I couldn't do this, or that, but I could possibly do that. I had this expectation for myself which basically meant being perfect. I am not perfect. Nor will I ever be. So it was a ridiculous expectation. But yet, I was still believing in a way that I was. I had this idea that I was above and better than the people around me. That is wrong. I am a broken sinner. I am no better than anyone. But I was walking around with that attitude that I was. I was not being me. I had this wall up blocking anyone from getting in.

I forgot my purpose. I forgot what my life was supposed to be about. When I accepted Christ I was admitting that I needed him and that I was not perfect on my own. I need Christ. I cannot be anyone with out him. But I was still trying. I was not willing to be broken or admit that I was hurting. I went into the pattern that I had to be strong for everyone around me. I want so badly to be a witness for the people around me-that I was pretending to have it all together. I do not have it all together. I struggle, I have insecurities, and I worry a whole lot.

I was wrestling with a situation in my mind, but all I could think of is where other people were wrong. As I was processing, God really opened my eyes. My mindset was wrong. I was not perfect as I had previously been trying somehow to think. I just did not want to face that fact. But let me tell myself that again. I am NOT perfect. Christ loves me though.

I needed to step back and let God reveal himself. I had lost focus. Lost focus and sight of what was important. What is important is that I am a servant for Christ. I am not on this earth for anything more than to do what Christ wants. I am his. He gives me my worth. My faith is not a check list of what to do or not to do. I do not have to earn God's love. He loves me. I needed to step down from the high seat I was on. I am not above others. It is not my job to put myself up there. I sin along with each and every person. I am not supposed to be perfect. I want to focus on loving Christ. He does not expect me to be perfect. I needed to go back to the basics.

As I start this next week I want it to be different. I want Christ to be my center. I want to be aware of what is going on around me. I want to take the chances Christ gives me. I want to be real. And honest. I do not want to act like I am perfect. I do not have to try to be perfect. In fact, Christ does not want me to be.
No more check list. But me, getting to know my Heavenly Father better and living my life the way he would want me too.

Matthew 6:33
"Seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you."

With love,
Hannah Louise