No Excuses

This morning was a late start in school which meant that school did not start until 10! . I was awake and ready to go. If only school did that everyday, I may actually be excited to go. But that is a whole other conversation.

I love the picture: a coffee shop with the faint sounds of music over the speakers, coffee in my hand, and  sitting across the table with a friend talking about life. Just a sigh of relief comes over me. That was how my morning was.

I love the mornings were you can sit there and talk about anything and everything. It was one of the mornings. Friends like that are the ones that you keep around.

The topic of youth group came up. I was reminded that youth group was on Sunday and I had previously agreed to go. I did pause when I heard what the theme was. No Excuses. I just froze. I am full of excuses for myself. I always talk myself out of things managing to convince myself with what I consider a good reason. "I didn't have my devotions this morning-but I can do it later." Knowing that I really won't. And so on goes my list.
I did have to admit it is a great theme. We had been discussing our recent struggles of faith and life and we both know that it is going to open our eyes and heart at a whole new level.  I am really excited to dig into this idea and see where God takes it!

God also had another thing for me that morning. I was in the middle of taking a sip of my wonderful chai tea freeze when I was told that when I went to this youth group she was expecting me to become a leader figure.  Although I was new, it was no excuse. She also came up with the idea of me being on the leadership team. Her want for this year was for me to step out of my comfort zone in becoming a leader in speaking, praying and other roles. Wait, what?! Yes, I love people, but when it comes to being a leader I freeze. And yes, I had been working on going out of my comfort zone, and yes, I had been working on learning how to be a leader. But not yet. I wasn't ready! Life situations are not based on when I am ready though, it is when God wants. God was ready. The funny part of this all was that I had not talked to my friend about a lot of this. I know for a fact that was Jesus taking over and speaking through her.

I am terrified flat out of my mind. Yet, so excited about what God is going to do.

Who knew that a cup of coffee would lead to God telling me some big things. Somehow I forget God shows up when I am least expecting it. But, I am so glad he did. I am glad that I slept in, had coffee, and dove into life with my friend. I love her a lot.

Psalm 37:5-6
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

With love, 
Hannah Louise

Check List

I am in full swing of my schedule being back here at school. I feel like my summer happened months ago. As for now my life consists of friends, nannying, homework, college searching, and once in a while, sleep.

I was getting caught up in my routine.

I was forgetting...

God is here. Right here in Grand Rapids. Some how I lose focus of that. All the time.  Lately my faith has become a check list. I couldn't do this, or that, but I could possibly do that. I had this expectation for myself which basically meant being perfect. I am not perfect. Nor will I ever be. So it was a ridiculous expectation. But yet, I was still believing in a way that I was. I had this idea that I was above and better than the people around me. That is wrong. I am a broken sinner. I am no better than anyone. But I was walking around with that attitude that I was. I was not being me. I had this wall up blocking anyone from getting in.

I forgot my purpose. I forgot what my life was supposed to be about. When I accepted Christ I was admitting that I needed him and that I was not perfect on my own. I need Christ. I cannot be anyone with out him. But I was still trying. I was not willing to be broken or admit that I was hurting. I went into the pattern that I had to be strong for everyone around me. I want so badly to be a witness for the people around me-that I was pretending to have it all together. I do not have it all together. I struggle, I have insecurities, and I worry a whole lot.

I was wrestling with a situation in my mind, but all I could think of is where other people were wrong. As I was processing, God really opened my eyes. My mindset was wrong. I was not perfect as I had previously been trying somehow to think. I just did not want to face that fact. But let me tell myself that again. I am NOT perfect. Christ loves me though.

I needed to step back and let God reveal himself. I had lost focus. Lost focus and sight of what was important. What is important is that I am a servant for Christ. I am not on this earth for anything more than to do what Christ wants. I am his. He gives me my worth. My faith is not a check list of what to do or not to do. I do not have to earn God's love. He loves me. I needed to step down from the high seat I was on. I am not above others. It is not my job to put myself up there. I sin along with each and every person. I am not supposed to be perfect. I want to focus on loving Christ. He does not expect me to be perfect. I needed to go back to the basics.

As I start this next week I want it to be different. I want Christ to be my center. I want to be aware of what is going on around me. I want to take the chances Christ gives me. I want to be real. And honest. I do not want to act like I am perfect. I do not have to try to be perfect. In fact, Christ does not want me to be.
No more check list. But me, getting to know my Heavenly Father better and living my life the way he would want me too.

Matthew 6:33
"Seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you."

With love,
Hannah Louise