One More Chance

One more hug

     My Grandpa Rush was always there. He was the youngest of my grandparents so in my perfect world he would always be there. He would be the one sitting first row at my graduation and wedding. Before I moved to Michigan I would spend a lot of time at my grandparent's. The routine was the same. I would wake up early before my Grandma and it would just be me and my grandpa. We would watch TV for just a little bit before he would start making pancakes. Having anything else besides pancakes in his house was almost unheard of. The basement was full of toys to play with. My siblings, cousins and I would be down there for hours. Sometimes our games would bring us upstairs for hiding. As we ran past the door we would try to slow down, but my grandpa always said it anyway.
                            "Shh, no running, you will wake the baby."
     There was no baby in the house. We always laughed it off and kept going. I loved the garden. There was always fresh veggies to enjoy. My favorite became rhubarb. The treat with my grandpa was making toast, spreading butter on to it and topping it off with rhubarb. He was always willing to help.

              I remember him volunteering to brush my hair in the morning or tie my shoes as I left.
              It was silly at the time, but now I would give anything to have him back.

     There was one time that I was in the living room listening to him and my dad talk. They were talking about death. I remember my grandpa mentioning if he died first what my grandma would do. I walked out because that idea seemed so stupid. Him die? Not a chance. He made it through heart surgery already. He had smoked and was fine.
     I was in seventh grade. He had cancer.
               
                      I was told that it was ok. He would have surgery and everything would be fixed.
        
      I was at my cousin's in Michigan during October. My grandparents had driven up from Ohio. I said the quick, "hi" before heading to the basement to hangout with my cousins. "They are leaving," I heard from up above the stairwell, "come say goodbye." I was in the middle of a movie and didn't want to leave or pause it.
                                "BYE!" was my quick reply I shouted up the stairs.
                                                     Little did I know...
     The surgery went well. He was fine. I was looking forward to Christmas and going back to Ohio. That wasn't the way God had it planned. I was up early December 11 because I had a science test that I was not ready for. I remember I could hear my parents talking. It was unusual for my mom to be up this early. Then they told me.
                                  Early that morning my Grandpa had died of a heart attack.
                                                          A heart attack?
I didn't understand how that was possible. He was fine. I was going to see him in two weeks. I didn't want to believe it. Tears flowed. I miss him so much. I became angry at God. I wish I hadn't been so wrapped up in my movie. There is so much I would give to have that day back one more time to run up the stairs and jump into one of his big hugs with his scruffy face scratching my soft cheek. I hear his voice in my mind, just not as clear as I used too. One more chance to say "I love you." Never take someone for granted because God's plan is not always ours. I have learned that God has everything under control. I love you Grandpa!

Grandpa <3

Gone in an Instant

         

When I sit on landing of my stairs,

The moon light streaming in,

I hear the gentle whispers of my parents trying to keep quiet,

The tight voices trying to be strong are saying,

“How are we going to tell them...?”

“How are we going to be strong?”

My heart sank down in my chest,

I hear the gate open,

I scramble up the stairs and dive under the covers.

I hear my poster covered door swinging open,

My parents creep in as I peak out from the blankets covering me.

I take one look at their tear stained faces,

My mom’s mouth opens,

“Grandpa Rush…”

That’s all I heard.

I wonder why everything else seems to go on when my world is stopping.

My heart seems to be ripping out of my chest.

I see the six year old me standing by his side tending the garden,

The sweat dripping down his face as he patiently teaches me his secrets.

My favorite companion from when I was little.

              Was here one second, and gone the next.

But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Matthew 10:30

With Love,

Hannah Louise

Better Than Mine.

Not What I imagined...

   When I looked ahead imaging the end of my junior year I never imagined that I would end up being who I am. My outlook-my plan was so different. Yet, God had a different plan. This past summer at Maranatha changed my life. My plan was to not to get close to anyone or to go anywhere near God or what he had to say. My plans consisted of having fun and being a rebel without getting caught all while maintaining the "sweet little girl" image. God's plan was different. Not just different, but the complete opposite. I was introduced to a whole new group of friends. People who God worked through to change my life. From day one the leaders at Maranatha were pouring in to me. The teenagers that surrounded me did as well.
   I want to say I found God this past summer, but he wasn't lost. I was. God found me. Picked me up and refused to let go. I found myself being soaked into the love that Christ shares. It is the best love that I have ever experienced. Giving my life back to Christ was the best decision I ever made. My mistakes that I made, the past became my past. God made me beautiful again. I am his daughter.
   Junior year was a huge change. I was used to being the old me. I had to step back into "the real world" away from the "perfect world of Maranatha." I was angry. I felt like a baby bird being pushed out of the nest and not being ready to defend myself against the predators, or find my own food. I stood alone and confused. God was still there. Challenges were everywhere this year. There was a difference. God's presence was evident and I was able to lean on him. I found a church that I fell in love with. I found new friends who love me for me. I am able to be myself. I don't know where I would be without them I have older "brothers and sisters" in Christ who encourage me and are always there for me. I have friends from all over the country who encourage me and keep up with my life, no matter the distance. I have grown so much. The change that God has done amazes me. I still struggle yes, but I am still human. I am still learning how to act as a daughter of Christ in order to show it to everyone. I am still learning to accept my past. All I know is that God's plan was better than mine. I am a daughter of a king-a princess. As I am growing, my goal is to show through everything I do who God is.
                                               I am accepting my identity as his.

Baptism last summer

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has GONE, the new has COME. 2 Corinthians 5:17

With love,
Hannah Louise